Tuesday, May 17, 2011

32

So tomorrow is my birthday.
I thought I would share some things about the 'me' that I am right now.

I already told you how old I'll be.
I kinda make faces when I say thirty-two but really it's just a number. I don't think it has actual implications on how 'old' I feel or what types of things I should be allowed to do/not do. Yes, there are extremes to all situations but I don't think my age should define what music I listen to, which clothes I choose to wear, how loud I might laugh (I've been told I'm pretty loud) or which people I choose to spend my time with.

I'm always learning new things...and I love it!
Yes, this includes learning about life but we are always learning about life.
This also applies personally because we're a homeschooling family.
I'm learning too that this is not just "what we do" but it really is "who we are".
It may sound strange but it's the best way I can define HSing for us right now.
I'm learning how to reduce fractions to their lowest number, I learning to diagram sentences (this is a first time learn for me), I'm learning about seeds and how they grow and that all caterpillars have 16 legs (who knew?...not me, or if I did it certainly wasn't information I retained for very long).

I'm also learning more about myself.
I am an emotional person. Very.
To be truly honest about this I always felt that my emotional part of me was my weakness. I hate confrontation and often cry in such circumstances. Little things make me tear up and if you dare put heart tugging music to a sweet or sad video clip I guarantee I'll need a kleenex.
Recently though, I've come to realize that my emotions are not a fault, a weakness or something to be ashamed of. They are a very big part of what makes me, me.
If I try to hold back in this area then I am holding back and suppressing a large part of myself. I'm not saying that I should allow my emotions to lead me, not at all, but I don't have to be sorry for tearing up when I read a sappy card or when I watch a favourite movie or when the Pastor shows a video clip that's intended to make half the congregation bawl I'm right there with ya! and it's really ok.

I'm mommy. I'm mommy to 5 beautiful little people. They are all very much their own selves which brings both challenges and huge rewards. They love me, they love my husband and they love each other. This just warms my heart. I love to see them interact with each other. They work out difficulties, the older ones help to dress the younger ones, they giggle and tickle and read to each other. They finish each others sentences! They know how to share.Seriously, a large family living in a very small space HAS to learn this quick!
Sometimes I find the responsibility overwhelming but not for long.
I once asked my grandmother - a mother of 6 - how she 'did' it.
At one point she had 4 very small children at home and my grandpa worked out of town for a week at a time or longer. Her answer to me was "you just do what you have to do." It's seems simple but that's just the way it is.

I'm flawed. Yes, it's true. But I'm not alone either ;)
There are areas in my life where I think I am very obviously flawed and there are some that are not so visible. Regardless, I'm trying to work out all areas but these things take time, love, hard work and a whole lotta Prayer!

From reading the blog of a friend I realized that I also have hugging issues.
You can read about hers here.
This is something that I am working through because it hasn't always been the case but I think I may have found the cause - or at least a big part of the cause.
Shortly after my first child was born, we took him for a visit to see some family members. On arrival one of these family members (my family member) hugged me. As this person's arms were wrapped around me they gave me a pat and said "My! You're a big woman now!" No joke. Those are the exact words and they have been seared into my heart and mind for more than eight year now (remember those emotions?? yup, suppressed).
Unfortunately, I am still a 'big woman' but I am seriously trying to get myself to a healthy place. It's a long road and the kitchen is my main battle ground but with God as my help and with my very supportive friends I will do it.

Just a few days ago my husband and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary!
It has definitely been a time of tremendous growth and change and I've had such a wonderful man to share them with. I love you Jed! Even though I'm not always huggy ;)

It's been nice to take this moment to reflect today because as I look back over the last 11 years I see how much I have changed. I often think 'we were SO young' and 'who would have thought we'd have 5 kids!' Now I will be able to check back at this blog and smile with satisfaction when I have rock hard abs (major lol's here).

You might ask "How do you have 30 minutes to sit down an type this uninterrupted?"
Ah, well, the hubster is out with the 3 oldest (shopping for my birthday!!) while the two youngest are NAPPING!
You see, they may be few and far between but I do get the odd cherished moment to myself.

Blessing to you! Hope you enjoyed my reflective thoughts.
Care to share yours?